Archive for Luke

She Said “No”

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on January 11, 2018 by Her Broken Wing

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Everyone it seems has a book. I don’t have a book. I have plenty to write about. But I don’t have a book. I think it’s the cool thing to say, I have a book. So maybe I should. I might even have people. Yea, scratch that. Let’s see I could write about my life. Child abuse, sexual abuse, drugs and alcohol abuse, mental illness, the medical world and sexual assault as an adult from a professional figure that I trusted. That is only a few of the things. I have more but then you wouldn’t believe me. No, I didn’t murder anyone, yet.

I read another blog today…talking about a book. It talked about sexual abuse. That raised a lot of emotions within me. It has not been too terribly long that I had been there. I’m an adult. I should know better, right? I’m a nurse for heavens sakes. But truth is I was sick, undiagnosed bipolar, just off opioids after 10 years. The worst that could happen did. It was the perfect storm. I trusted. I don’t trust people and I had let down my guard.

Where have I been? Coming back from the dead, literally. And my poor family has had to pick up the shattered pieces.

Over the past years when I pray unforgiveness, God says “for they know not…” (Luke 23:34) but what about “Connie, I got this”. If it weren’t for the 12 steps of acceptance, forgiveness, looking at my crap…..

For so long I didn’t believe God. When I say I didn’t trust anyone, I meant that, not even God. “How could you God?”  This shouldn’t have happened. So I withdrew into my dark cold world. I uttered “no” when it happened, it was there I heard it, maybe it just wasn’t audible but it was there.

He was powerful, how could I fight back? I would get in trouble. Do you know I still have nightmares about you? I just don’t wake people up screaming. Sometimes they aren’t even when I am asleep. Thank you drugs for PTSD.

Don’t worry, no one will know who you are, a deacon, a fine man of the community. No. Who would believe me. After all, I am a recovering drug addict.

My book?

She said “No”

forgive them Lord for they know not ………

Connie
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Secret sins on earth are open scandals in Heaven…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on July 7, 2010 by Her Broken Wing
As a toddler, I played peek-a-boo… closed my eyes and those around me disappeared. 

As a child, I would hide under my bed so the monsters wouldn’t find me. 

As a teenager, I would lie in my bed and hide from those that hurt me. 

As a young adult, I began to notice the light growing dim…easier to hide my secrets. 

As an adult, my shadows grew… Relationships shattered, fences broken, fear prevailed, I stumbled through the darkness… 

My faith had been challenged. There would be consequences. Grave at times. 

Secrets thought to be hidden in the darkest corner of my place on earth were now open scandals in Heaven. God knew. The Light revealed my shady life. No where to hide. 

“When he was still a long way off, his father saw him. His heart pounding, he ran out, embraced him, and kissed him. The son started his speech: ‘Father, I’ve sinned against God, I’ve sinned before you; I don’t deserve to be called your son ever again.’ 

“But the father wasn’t listening. He was calling to the servants, ‘Quick. Bring a clean set of clothes and dress him. Put the family ring on his finger and sandals on his feet. Then get a grain-fed heifer and roast it. We’re going to feast! We’re going to have a wonderful time! My son is here—given up for dead and now alive! Given up for lost and now found!’ And they began to have a wonderful time. (Luke 15:20-24 The Message)’ 

I am back Home –such the Prodigal child. 

 

Beautifully Awkward