Archive for Love

Truth is

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on February 25, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

God does dance….I’m living proof

Sober Nuggets

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on February 11, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

It is colder than a witches hinny outside today so I have stayed indoors. I have a roaring fire and soup on the stove. My family is watching sports, oh joy! And I am sitting here on the computer talking to you.

Without thinking, I thought wouldn’t it be nice to fix a martini to warm my body? (Did I mention–I don’t even like martini’s) but I romanced the thought…briefly. Then it hit me, I can’t do that. “You are an ALCOHOLIC!” my inner voice shouted…… Well ain’t that just great.

I still have trouble believing that… I’m an addict…or an alcoholic…. It is like I will wake up any time from a bad dream. I pinch myself. Nope, I’m awake.

*Sigh*

God, why did this happen to me?

Silence…

Hello there? I know You hear me!

Well just fine then, ignore me…I’m not trying to be a jerk here but really why me? why this? So what if I drink. You don’t seem to care.

Are you listening to me?

If you don’t’ answer me, I’ll sing the song you hate,,, the one where my voice is in high pitch. I’ll quit the choir. Oh I already did. Well I will not teach Sunday School tomorrow…I’m just trying to get your attention.

And then I hear God say (not like audibly or anything) “I hear every word you say. Why are you so upset?”

Because today I want a drink, it’s cold and I want to drink.

“Do you really? Or is it because you can’t have one that you want to drink?”

I don’t know. I don’t really want one but if I did…

“That is what I thought…” God, “So what do you want?”

I want You to…

“Child, you want to be understood…to be loved and that you are.”

“My beloved…”

Beautifully Awkward

To Reclaim My Heart

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on January 12, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

Time passes and the honeymoon is over. The high of not being high has lapsed and now I must face life on life’s terms. They (those that have gone before me in their walk of sobriety) call it the “Roller-coaster” of emotions. But do I have to fall and falter to a low, or does the pendulum have to swing to the extreme?

Most days it does.

I am on a journey to find and reclaim my heart.

Through my addiction, depression and life’s journey, I have lost heart. And to lose heart is to lose everything. The geography of my core lies solely on where I have traveled. To lose my way as the elements chip away at my center — day by day reroutes my desires and my dreams.

It is not until I have lost my way, do I find my way— for in my heart is where my Savior rests in a deep love.

Beautifully Awkward

A Love Affair

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on January 4, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

It is darkest before the dawn. I lie in the shadowy part of the night clenched tightly to my covers. The Voice in my head is unrelenting. I toss and I turn. There is an emptiness I cannot fill with all the drugs in the world.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.…” Matthew 11:28

The Voice again.

Night after night. When will it stop?

Something is definitely missing in my life. There has to be more. I am vulnerable now. I am broken.

*Sigh*

I have been reckless and wild–trying to fill the need, that deep longing. But the wild life was not it.

The pastor calls from the pulpit, demands I come, I do, but that was not it either. Maybe a small group and study of the Word. The hole is still there. I have a general sickness and lethargy of the heart.

Am I just spiritually immature?

Once again the Voice speaks, the Voice calls, this time in a passionate longing that desires to be satisfied. And through reckless abandonment –a deep love affair is found. Through my broken and crumbled spirit–The longing is filled. All through a fervent love affair.

For My burden is light… and My love is deep…

Beautifully Awkward

Thy Will Be Done

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on November 11, 2010 by Her Broken Wing

Thy Will Be Done…

     …My Peace I leave you.

Beautifully Awkward