Archive for Jeremiah

Demons and Dragons

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 6, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

 

The other day, my husband and I were talking about a time in his life when he was faced with a medical crisis. He could have easily died. Then we talked about where I was in my addiction at that time unbeknownst to him. He had no idea of the demons I was struggling with. Heck, I consciously was unaware myself.

Life is just funny like that when I look back on it…glimpsing at how intertwined and interwoven God has mapped out my days. So, hubby and I went on to talk about the what ifs had turned out different in our life, we may be facing a different time for our family now.

But we were one of the lucky ones.

Not just because my husband lived but because I am clean today– No small feat. No small miracle!

Some days when I find it hard to get out of bed and carry on, I try to remember that God has a greater plan for me. (Jer 29:11)

I don’t know what the plan is but I know what it has taught me thus far. What sobriety has taught me is I’m no longer quick to judge. I have been where most people will never go so who am I to judge.

I love deeply. I have learned to love past all the warts and scars.

I inhale the sweet aromas of fresh blooming flowers. I have come to cherish the vibrant colors and fresh scents they exude.

I now enjoy silence and the stillness of peace in the midst of Chaos. I sense the breath of the God Almighty.

The demons and the slayers of dragons—are shadows of the past.

Today I enjoy—me.

Beautifully awkward…

Love,

Connie

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The Illusion of Time

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on March 16, 2010 by Her Broken Wing

I have always been a fairly over sensitive person, overly being the key word. You would think with the tragic events throughout my life, I would have built an emotional callus. But this is not the case. It is like having been burned and now living with a painful, touchy scar.

I found myself getting upset over the smallest of reasons. If  ever I called family or friend and they did not have time for me, or “Can I call you right back?”, I would hang up and cry. It was the whole self-worth junk, I came to realize. Obviously I am not important enough for “you” to drop what you are doing and talk to me.

I learned that taking one of  my “Migraine pills” soon became my solution to this pain.  It became my “Social Vaccine,” making me immune to the pain caused by those obviously lurking around the corner to purposefully make my life miserable!

In the beginning of time, every pill I took, I justified. I am sure I had a headache. I am a nurse after all, I would not want to take something without having a need. I had yet to become overwhelmed with shame and guilt— that came much later.

Migraines, that is what started this whole down-spiral.

Ten years of treatment for “Migraines.

Ten years of drugs.

Ten years of my family’s life.

Ten years of my life.

Gone.

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”