Archive for Faith

Demons and Dragons

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 6, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

 

The other day, my husband and I were talking about a time in his life when he was faced with a medical crisis. He could have easily died. Then we talked about where I was in my addiction at that time unbeknownst to him. He had no idea of the demons I was struggling with. Heck, I consciously was unaware myself.

Life is just funny like that when I look back on it…glimpsing at how intertwined and interwoven God has mapped out my days. So, hubby and I went on to talk about the what ifs had turned out different in our life, we may be facing a different time for our family now.

But we were one of the lucky ones.

Not just because my husband lived but because I am clean today– No small feat. No small miracle!

Some days when I find it hard to get out of bed and carry on, I try to remember that God has a greater plan for me. (Jer 29:11)

I don’t know what the plan is but I know what it has taught me thus far. What sobriety has taught me is I’m no longer quick to judge. I have been where most people will never go so who am I to judge.

I love deeply. I have learned to love past all the warts and scars.

I inhale the sweet aromas of fresh blooming flowers. I have come to cherish the vibrant colors and fresh scents they exude.

I now enjoy silence and the stillness of peace in the midst of Chaos. I sense the breath of the God Almighty.

The demons and the slayers of dragons—are shadows of the past.

Today I enjoy—me.

Beautifully awkward…

Love,

Connie

Be Still

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on April 29, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Sometimes… it’s about being still in the midst of Choas… (Psalm 46:10)

 

Love,

Connie

Serendipity

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 4, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Serendipity….A fortunate accident.

You might say that is what happened to me: My addiction a fortunate accident? Well, yes in a sense.  Today I feel that way. Two years ago, not so much. But today, sobriety is a gift.

Long ago, I longed to feel “normal” like my friends. Their lives were so together. My life was in such turmoil that I felt sure everyone knew what a screw up I was. So as a child, I tried to fit in.

Fast forward some years and the pattern continued. Early on, I would descend into a world of addiction and lose my identity even further. Fragile from the barrage of abuse, I felt I had come home to the numb feelings I now experienced.

Life had her way with me. Consequences from my choices.

Despair.

*Sigh*

But for the grace of God…

I was called into place of something they described as “Rehabilitation.” Oh, in the beginning I was very angry and didn’t want to be in this place. It wasn’t my choice, but then really it was. I was just so tired.

“Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly…,” I started to let go of the anger and resentment and open up to those around me. The people in my groups were happy. I often thought to myself, “What could they be happy about?”  They aren’t normal. They can never drink again. They can’t take a pill without going off the deep end. My life was over as I knew it.

Well thank God. Because my life just sucked.

I hadn’t had a clean and sober day in years. And now I was living a normal (used loosely) life.  Today, I am learning to walk a path I never discovered before.

Life is good. I am living in freedom. (John 10:10)

A fortunate accident indeed.

Beautifully Awkward

It’s OK To Not Feel OK

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 3, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Getting clean and sober is a life-changing experience. I tried to hold it together with drugs and alcohol in place of humanity that would be strange and new. I was scared. This would be my new home– that without alcohol and drugs. I wasn’t sure I really liked this place. A place I would be required to feel every emotion good, bad and indifferent.

Nonetheless, recovery is about attaining a place in my world. I would move away from my safe haven (or what I thought to be safe) to a new circle of friends and even family. I would find a new career. I would develop new interests. And I would finally become an adult.

Change is never easy. Finding a place I “belong” into a world –I intuitively know –where most people don’t even know I exist.

So it is no wonder I was stuck for so long in my addiction. It takes great courage to move out into the world. Actually, I never learned it was OK to not feel OK. And being stuck was my way of life.

It really is not the addiction so much as fear I experienced… Fear of change and of changing.

Today…. Life just Simply is…

Beautifully Awkward

 

I Am Enough

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on September 19, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

When I am not enough, the Sun rises again.

When I am not enough, the seas bellow up and cry “Holy.”

When I am not enough, the wind kisses my face tenderly.

and when I am not enough, Your Son sends me a hug through a friend.

 

I am reminded daily that yes, I am enough. I am abundantly and richly filled with Grace, love and life. (Jn 10:10)

Reminding me~~

That I am enough…

 

Beautifully Awkward

The Broken Spirit

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 3, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

But it has been a year …or so… I should be… I should be what? Over it? Better?

How did it happen that my physical body heals and the emotional body was left unnoticed –for a time? I was doing so well and then I hit “The Wall.” My emotional breaking point.

No reason, really. Maybe you said something to me, looked at me a certain way, it really doesn’t matter because the break was bound to happen with you or without you. See it had nothing to do with you. I needed this final fracture of my spirit.

Now, I have nothing left.

“It is finished.” John 19:30

My spirit I give to the Father.

Beautifully Awkward

Living In The Answer

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on April 17, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

And I eventually moved to a Higher Plane… Where I asked God for Inspiration.

My struggles had ceased for the day.

I have ceased fighting anything or anyone–even my disease.

My sanity wanes.

My feelings of uselessness and self-pity come and go…but my experience today is more on the level of acceptance.

Today, I have stopped living in the problem and started living in the answer. In my right to chemical peace of mind.

Just for today–and that is God’s will for me.

(Alcoholics Anonymous)

Beautifully Awkward