Archive for 1 John

And Freedom Rings

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , on August 20, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

Defective relations along the way have been many a cause of my woes….Not just the relationship with family and friends but God.  The further into my addiction I fell, the more difficult it was to hear the calls of my Heavenly Father…

Willingness to submit to God’s will was an awkward thing for me. In the beginning it was a conscious and painstaking effort. Then my awareness of this stirring became more of a discomfort and unease.  I was self-righteously right on all accounts in every relationship. This only caused more strife in my life.

Once I came to a point of complete brokenness, I had nothing left to interfere with the voice of God. Through my powerlessness, I came to believe a power greater than myself and I could hear that still small voice reaching out to me. (1 Kings 19:11-13) A tremendous love beckoned me. (1 Jn 4:10)

I had been my own worst enemy.

A few pills won’t hurt anyone….But it did.

For a moment in my brief life, I have resolved there is still time… time to clear the wreckage. I sift through the pains of yesterday. I pick up the pieces of scattered sorrows, some I leave.

Discomfort and unrest have now caused me to take action…my unmanageable life is now lived through the love of God…

There is a choice now for I am free.

And Freedom Rings….

Beautifully Awkward

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I Am Woman

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on March 27, 2011 by Her Broken Wing

I am not enough and yet too much— all at the same time… I am Woman… 

My career has always been my identity. I measured my worth based on where I was on the rung of the corporate ladder. So needless to say, when I fell from my professional ascend into the pits of despair, I lost all hope.

At the same time, as I had been taking too many drugs, sleeping too much, running fast to keep away the demons of my past, I was too sensitive and too opinionated.

All the result of shame that sought me though the cracks and crevices of my life. It would ooze through the walls built around me that I thought would protect me. Such an irony of my secluded existence which eventually became exposed.

If only I had done things different… (Whatever that looks like)

Maybe if I had tried harder…(Whatever that means)

In the mess I created, I only wished to be loved, accepted and pursued. Yes, pursued. I wanted to be loved by someone. So I started filling that void with people, things and then…drugs. It would take tremendous pain before I would realize that all these things were not filling the void but only making the emptiness bigger and wider in my life.

Built within my soul was and is a deep passionate desire to live. I desire intimacy. I desire being pursued. That is how God made me as a woman — To find great meaning as a woman.

The veil of shame and guilt was removed on the Cross. I choose whether to fill the void with Him, my Savior. For He pursued me. Now I pursue Him. (1 John 4:19)

May I be the woman of Your great story told.

 Beautifully Awkward