Archive for the Uncategorized Category

Who Would Have Thought?

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , on May 16, 2014 by Her Broken Wing

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It’s been 4 1/2 years now… I have been through hell and back… the funny thing is, I remember saying, “if I just get clean…” I thought to myself, life would be easy peasy… boy was I wrong. that was the easy part… life has been hard … finding out why I did (do) what I do. Going back in time and undoing the hard stuff that has happened in my life. What is the saying, “Life isn’t for sissy’s?” yea I get that now.

So, through my constant battle of staying sober, clean, and battling an eating disorder … I am proud no grateful to say, I am clean, sober … and here and now working with those with the same afflictions. I am using my nursing degree to work in the mental health field.

I have spent the last 3 years working in an area I was pretty much miserable in. But saying that, grateful for that opportunity to learn something and meet new people. Yes, through all this, I am learning gratitude.

I had pretty much came to the point I needed to move on but didn’t know how. So… God did for me what I could not do for myself. Oh yes, I had moments of uncertainty, insecurity, worry and all that. But I surrendered it all and God just showed up… amazingly. As HE ALWAYS DOES…

I would like to say life is perfect now… It is not. I am going through a lot as we speak. But I trust God has my back. so I will not look back… Only forward to the goal ahead. (Phill 3:14)

So… who would have thought… today, I’d be here….and you’d be here..

Much love, Connie

It’s Over

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on March 13, 2014 by Her Broken Wing

Pay it forwardOver 4 years…. 4 lonnnnnng years I might add, it’s finally over… I’m done with the nursing board consent order. I did my thing of jumping through hoops… It was truly a life saving experience I might add. I wouldn’t have changed a thing. I am grateful for those I have met along my journey.

I now pray that I can pay-it-forward to someone else.

Thank you Lord

Happy Birthday to me…

Posted in Uncategorized on January 15, 2013 by Her Broken Wing

candleIt has been 3 years of sobriety… I would like to say it has been all happy trails but it has not been… but it has been much better sober than it ever was when I was high.

So Happy Birthday… 3  years clean and sober to me…

Blessings to you

Connie

Demons and Dragons

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on May 6, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

 

The other day, my husband and I were talking about a time in his life when he was faced with a medical crisis. He could have easily died. Then we talked about where I was in my addiction at that time unbeknownst to him. He had no idea of the demons I was struggling with. Heck, I consciously was unaware myself.

Life is just funny like that when I look back on it…glimpsing at how intertwined and interwoven God has mapped out my days. So, hubby and I went on to talk about the what ifs had turned out different in our life, we may be facing a different time for our family now.

But we were one of the lucky ones.

Not just because my husband lived but because I am clean today– No small feat. No small miracle!

Some days when I find it hard to get out of bed and carry on, I try to remember that God has a greater plan for me. (Jer 29:11)

I don’t know what the plan is but I know what it has taught me thus far. What sobriety has taught me is I’m no longer quick to judge. I have been where most people will never go so who am I to judge.

I love deeply. I have learned to love past all the warts and scars.

I inhale the sweet aromas of fresh blooming flowers. I have come to cherish the vibrant colors and fresh scents they exude.

I now enjoy silence and the stillness of peace in the midst of Chaos. I sense the breath of the God Almighty.

The demons and the slayers of dragons—are shadows of the past.

Today I enjoy—me.

Beautifully awkward…

Love,

Connie

Be Still

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on April 29, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Sometimes… it’s about being still in the midst of Choas… (Psalm 46:10)

 

Love,

Connie

And The Meadows Sing

Posted in Uncategorized on April 13, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Did I mention that I hate this disease? I mean I really H.A.T.E the disease of addiction! It comes to those of us like a lover in the night and steals our innocence. It leaves us longing for more in the morning only to find us caressing loneliness. Her web of deception entangles us into her mighty arms–waking up to find all those on our journey—gone. We have become one enmeshed in the sickness of her long and spirally little limbs. Her venom reeks through our pores leaving us helpless. Leaving us wanting more. Leaving us– Addicted.

We get here from not being all here.

Call it what you may. We  I find the seductiveness of this disease luring. She comes to me in a beautiful package. Exquisite in nature. She slides carelessly behind me calling out my name with a passion and sense of urgency. I desire to be pursued. I feel her touch and her breath against my neck. The chills run through my body. I’m excited now. I succumb. One more time.

The scene now becomes grotesque. Suddenly there is a feeling of abandonment. The world starts spinning out of control. The desires are now despair. She scoffs at my lack of willpower. I weep.

The road ahead is a mirage. In the distance, I see pink clouds I once floated on but they dissipate quickly leaving a haze of empty planes. Roads less traveled are long and arduous—demanding more of me that I have to give.

I want to wake up from this dream but it’s not a dream. It’s real. It’s life.

Along the way, I find a friend. He whispers…”Come, my burden is light…” (Matt 11:28-30) Reluctantly, I take His hand. I go.

Mountaintops, meadows and oceans sing out in a harmonious rhythm that brings tears to my eyes. They respond to His voice. The flowers bow down. And yet I timidly walk along side Him. Not sure. Not Knowing. Why? Why don’t I give in like the hills do?

Surrender, complete and utter defeat. I should know that by now. I cannot walk this passage alone.

Let me find you… once more…

God …Sobriety… Serenity…

To my friend, may you find your way back home!

Love,

Connie

Oops, There Goes A Chicken

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on April 1, 2012 by Her Broken Wing

Things I have figured out along the way…

  1. I believe God dances, I’m living proof…
  2. I’m a recovering addict…2 years clean….And some days I miss it.. the high…. Kind of like I’d miss being run over by a truck. Sick thoughts fill my mind.
  3. I believe in simplicity in life…. At the same time, I continue to buy more junk. Maybe one day my beliefs will align with my actions.
  1. I am now a caffeine addict and wonder why I walk around jacked up half the time or toss and turn at night. What –I give up one addiction for another??
  2. I’m a crappy Christian but love Jesus to pieces.
  3. I do nothing in moderation—it’s all or nothing!
  4. I don’t like being interrupted during a conversation … or ignored.
  5. I still hate lima beans. I’ve quit trying to like them. It just isn’t going to happen.
  6. I get totally enraged by rude people.
  7. I tend to occasionally get a case of road rage.
  8. I live with fluctuating moderate to severe case of ADD. Meaning you might be talking to me and I will glaze over—oops there goes a chicken!
  9. I always have and always will have to watch what I eat if I want to be thin. Just sort of sucks.
  10. I exercise faithfully but I can’t say I like it.
  11. I have learned to let go of the insignificant things in life, like not sweat the small stuff. Heck, who cares anyway? …That is when my emotions aren’t running riot!
  12. I don’t act my age. Maybe it’s a midlife crisis thing. But my brain hasn’t caught up with my age yet.
  13. I love organization…. I just don’t like to be the one doing the organizing.
  14. I still read signs and symptoms of an addict to see if I fit the diagnosis. I do.
  15. Sometimes I just like to say a bad word.
  16. I’m a little bit Gospel… I’m a little bit rock n roll….
  17. I’m a Divine intervention.
  18. Ditto
  19. I got rid of one horrible thorn in the flesh, addiction, only to find I have many more. I’m a sinner…
  20. Saved by Grace.

Love

Connie