And The Meadows Sing

Did I mention that I hate this disease? I mean I really H.A.T.E the disease of addiction! It comes to those of us like a lover in the night and steals our innocence. It leaves us longing for more in the morning only to find us caressing loneliness. Her web of deception entangles us into her mighty arms–waking up to find all those on our journey—gone. We have become one enmeshed in the sickness of her long and spirally little limbs. Her venom reeks through our pores leaving us helpless. Leaving us wanting more. Leaving us– Addicted.

We get here from not being all here.

Call it what you may. We  I find the seductiveness of this disease luring. She comes to me in a beautiful package. Exquisite in nature. She slides carelessly behind me calling out my name with a passion and sense of urgency. I desire to be pursued. I feel her touch and her breath against my neck. The chills run through my body. I’m excited now. I succumb. One more time.

The scene now becomes grotesque. Suddenly there is a feeling of abandonment. The world starts spinning out of control. The desires are now despair. She scoffs at my lack of willpower. I weep.

The road ahead is a mirage. In the distance, I see pink clouds I once floated on but they dissipate quickly leaving a haze of empty planes. Roads less traveled are long and arduous—demanding more of me that I have to give.

I want to wake up from this dream but it’s not a dream. It’s real. It’s life.

Along the way, I find a friend. He whispers…”Come, my burden is light…” (Matt 11:28-30) Reluctantly, I take His hand. I go.

Mountaintops, meadows and oceans sing out in a harmonious rhythm that brings tears to my eyes. They respond to His voice. The flowers bow down. And yet I timidly walk along side Him. Not sure. Not Knowing. Why? Why don’t I give in like the hills do?

Surrender, complete and utter defeat. I should know that by now. I cannot walk this passage alone.

Let me find you… once more…

God …Sobriety… Serenity…

To my friend, may you find your way back home!

Love,

Connie

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